All the right agencies won awards and all the wrong agencies didn't. Which was a shame because everyone should have won something, even if only for unbridled revelry and amusing alcohol induced incoherence.

Weather or not

There were those, of course, who felt that the weather was a bit of a dampener. But this was simply because they did not understand that this weather pattern had been specifically arranged for the Loeries weekend.

As everyone knows, the summer wind that comes in from the south east and leaves Camps Bay completely calm, warm and sunny, thanks to that mountain thing, is called the Cape Doctor. Well, the north westerly that blew on Friday and early Saturday is known as the Cape Proctologist, in spite of its propensity to sink ships, flatten houses and drown people.

Not a single trot in town

The Loerie organisers felt it would be appropriate to order in this wind to help those who had over-imbibed on Friday night to get their stomachs back in business for Saturday and avoid them having to disrupt the big awards spectacle by continually having to get up and head for the heads, as we call lavatories in Cape Town nautical parlance. [From Friday night? The partying began on Wednesday already, from what I heard - assistant editor]

Some delegates might have noticed that latish on Saturday the north westerly swung slightly to become a westerly. This is known as the Cape Urologist and was brought in perfectly on cue to rescue all those wayward livers and kidneys thrown out of kilter by overenthusiastic celebrations. Cape Town weather is very considerate this way.

Sunshine is dangerous

Umbrella's come out for rainy weather

Ok, so there wasn't much sunshine on Thursday, Friday and Saturday but who needs sunshine? All sunshine does is cause skin cancer and tempt the unwary to the beach, where they might be tempted to swim - something the Loeries organisers wanted to avoid at all costs.

The reason is simple. The seawater at Camps Bay is so bitterly cold that it has been known to burst the nipples of the most flat-chested of women and reduce male testicles to roughly the size of pickled raisins. Which is really bad for testosterone - an integral and important part of the Loeries - particularly when it comes to going up on stage to accept an award.

Burst nipples are also a bugger on awards night as they tend to leak at the most inappropriate moments. Nothing like trying to make an acceptance speech with your cute little black evening number looking like the main attraction at a wet T-shirt competition.

So, excluding those few who did not understand the significance of the perfect weather this past weekend, everyone had a good time. A panel of judges drawn from Cape Town agencies for reason of their objectivity, integrity and complete lack of bias, unanimously agreed that 99.27% of everyone who attended the Loeries was having a good time. Many delegates roaming the Camps Bay beachfront could be heard to be shouting "We are having a good time!", in spite of this sometimes sounding like "How the hell do we get to effing Long Street past this effing mountain..."

Jupiter Drawing Room team

Viva, André, wiva

I must say that the success of the Loeries prompted me this morning to go outside onto my patio and do a little leap of joy and kick my heels in delight. My croocked ankle has in no way dampened my praise for Andrew (now known in the Cape as André, apparently) Human and his team for outstanding organisation. I am agog at what a wonderful thing the Loeries has become, ever since the ad industry took control away from the marketers, following that breathtaking cock-up event the Marketing Federation managed at Sun City not all that long ago.

Even if I say so myself

Everything seemed to go like clockwork, the functions were outstanding and I must say that, just looking at what the SABC corporate marketing team managed to produce, I reckon that if they fired the board and put this team in to run the SABC, it would be one of the best broadcasters in the business.

So, I declare the 2009 Loerie Awards a resounding success. I do so objectively and completely without bias as I sit writing this on the patio of my Cape Town home with my heart leaping with joy at hearing that Western Province had thrashed Griquas and in awe of how Cape Town ad agencies are just so incredibly darn good at what they do.

click to enlarge

click to enlarge

click to enlarge